i havnt been able to blog in over a year. even typing and processing has been difficult. but im ready to bite the bullet and just write. and see what happens. im not big on rules. so who knows what will happen.
I had the most amazing life changing opportunity to travel the world for a year as a missionary. Although traveling the world was amazing, i came home with a leg that has three heinous scars on it. I use to love my scars, because each one told a story. But these, they are so ugly. they make me not want to wear dresses to work, and try to cover them up in my bridesmaid dress. they make me feel ugly and insecure. imperfect.
sometimes i love getting to share the fun stories behind each scar, but sometimes i just hate them. somewhere deep down inside i truly think they are ugly. sometimes i wonder if a guy could ever love my scars. could they ever be beautiful?
well...through reading the book, Your Scars Are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes, i am learning what insane beauty that there is to be found in a scar.
Just the other day on the drive to work, i felt into my mouth the three and half inch think scar that lines my tongue. It still kind of hurts, its still in the process of healing, but i just smiled from my soul when i felt it. It feels bumpy and looks ugly, but it represents so much to me. It represents a tumor that ended up being benign. but even more than that, a God that showed himself so so so insanely faithful. My Father walked me through a cancer scare and loved me and showed himself to me in such a precious way that i would never ever want to trade that scar (and not having taste or being able to have hot stuff on half my tongue) for the world! That week of recovery after my surgery, the week where my wound hurt its most, and i had to clean it out constantly so that healing would not be prevented and infection wouldn't come.
That week was literally one of the best weeks of my entire year. Granted, i was highly drugged, waited on hand and foot by my family and spoiled with love from my friends and a really cute boy asked me on a date! But in was more than just that. I felt like every single thing was my Father loving me. I literally felt so so so loved. Yah my friends, my family but truly from my Maker, my Provider, my First Love, my Jehovah Rapha, My God Who Heals.
So in all of this, the Lords been teaching me in the last two years how beautiful my wounds and my scars are. They aren't ugly. They tell stories. They tell my story. I'm learning that i still have some wounds from my childhood that haven't scared over yet, that the father walks to walk me to healing. And, I'm excited!!!! I've see God use my scars from the best to bring Him glory, and i've seen him walk me faithfully through healing. I won't want to sit in my wounds. I want to clean them out, watch them scar over, and proclaim the story that my Jehovah Rapha has to share!
