He Speaks

Ruth, I see you. I love you. I'm doing something. Trust me. You are my beloved.

Don't Give Up...Ever!

“It's not about the load that breaks you down, it’s the way you carry it” – C. S. Lewis

There was this moment this summer when I was on a hike. What started off as an exciting adventure filled day, ended up getting real.  A few hours in,  I was lost. I didn’t know how I got their. I was exhausted and had no measure of where the end was. No idea if I would make it back to our camp site safely by dark.

Finally, at one point I sat down in tears. I felt misunderstood, lost, scared, exhausted… At that point I had a choice.  I remember so vividly sitting on grass and rocks, the sun setting, and God and I going back and forth. I had to choose  to continue or give up.  Giving up would indeed, leave me in the middle of the mountains, cold, dark, and not safe. But going forward, even in the unknown, even when I felt like I had no strength to go on, felt scarier.  I remember at this time it wasn’t just a physical choice, it was an emotional and spiritual choice.  A part of me was more terrified to continue on the journey that God was asking me to go on in my life, then spend the night in the woods. 

As the enemy screamed His lies at me, "GIVE UP, IT'S TOO HARD, IT'S NOT WORTH IT, YOU WILL BE ABANDONED", I grabbed a small rock, got up and chose to walk. With tears streaming down my face, and a voice that couldn’t vocalize what was going on inside, I squeezed my rock. My rock of hope, of strength, of faith. Knowing I was not alone.  Knowing it wouldn’t be easy but I would make it. Knowing that I had just made a much bigger decision than standing up and finishing the hike set before me.

“You split the seas so I can walk right through it. I am  a child of God. 

No longer a slave to fear, I am a child of God”

I’ll never forget when he spoke to my heart and ,He said, “follow me” , I couldn’t see what was ahead because I was being blinded by the setting sun.  I had no idea where I was going, but was following the one that was leading me. 

Last night, I found a magnet from that hike. God reminded me of that day. Once again I feel like I'm their, lost on a mountain, mid hike, with a setting sun. I feel lost, so exhausted and alone, and I want to give up and let the wolves eat me. I don’t know why I am here, or where I am going, but I do know that I have a choice. Sit down, throw a tantrum and listen to lies....OR

“Get up and walk...your faith has healed you“

Or get up, and believe that walking on water is just the beginning. Believe that He's giving me hinds feet for high places.  Believe that HE WILL finish what He has started.  He will not leave me, He will take me by the hand. I can trust Him and HE IS good. 

I finished that hike.  Faster, more determined, worshipping on the inside...but stubborn and hard on the outside. Still not knowing how to express my vulnerability and emotional and spiritual battle.

This time, I’m choosing again. To get up, and follow Him, to listen to His voice alone, and to let people walk with me. To open up about my emotional and spiritual battle, let people fight along side me, unite with others, instead of isolating myself.

Today I am choosing not to give up. Never give up. Abraham waited 25 years. I will too...

“We trust in our God and through His unfailing Love – we will not be shaken. “