2014 was once of the most amazing years of my life. God swooped in and took me on a whirl wind adventure all around the world. Ending in a place I would have never imagined but im oddly thankful for. A place I had always known to be true but just was not quite sure how to get their.
At some point towards the end of 2013 I have a vivid memory, begging God to not leave me. I knew I was a mess, I knew I was wounded. I knew i wasn't living out of abundance but out of so much fear, hurt, and woundedness. I remember crying out to God in my living room floor, begging Him to do something, to rescue me, to not leave me. Then he did...he invited me into a season of multiple heart surgeries. I'm not even done yet but, God has already brought me into a new place, a place I knew existed...2014 was a huge year in my life. A year where I saw God bring so many dreams to reality...but it all started with a hike. Little did i know that 5 day hike would continue to mirror my next year.
I started this year on a 5 day spiritual journey hike. The goal was to stretch in the physical, pray for our upcoming retreats and ministry, and thus stretch in the spiritual. I spent five days hiking steep mountains, basking in breath taking views, praying into the next few months, hearing from the Father, bonding with amazing life long fellow journeyers. At times I wanted to give up and at times I couldn't believe how blessed I was to be on that "hike".
You see, the end of the hike on day 5 is "Table Mountain". It is literally a mountain that looks like a table. It was our final goal, our final ending place, that looks over the beautiful Cape Town and makes the whole hike worth it.
God had been speaking to me with such excitement about this "table mountain". He had been speaking to me about how it was his banqueting table, and how he was inviting us to dine with Him. And the Kings banqueting table is elaborate and abundant. But He wasn't just inviting our team to dine with Him, but also alllllll the women we would be going on the journey with the next few months. An invitation for all these women of all kinds of hurts to come to his table and bask in His love. I kept hearing "He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me is love". I remember a really hard part of the hike, i think it was having climbed up and down the second mountain that day, our third day, bright red from sun and wind burn, crawling up the mountain. And i was belting out this promise, "He brought me to His banqueting table, His banner over me is love".
Well day five comes. I am so excited. I wear purple, because im royalty. The hike up, is covered in the most beautiful wild flowers and waterfalls. So much beauty. I just see His love all over leading us to His table.
Well..........a bad storm started to roll in and we had to decide to hike back down and not make it to the top of Table Mountain or finish the Hike Up and see what we find. We decided we had to finish what we started.
Well we finally get up to the top of the mountain. The view is completely covered by cold windy miserable clouds. The top of the mountain is completely dead. It's suppose to be full of life, with shops and a cool line car that we were suppose to get to enjoy riding down and basking in the view. Literally if you were 5 feet from another you couldn't even see them!
Not guna lie, I did question, what Lord do you have in this? But I enjoyed it! We made it, this was His table! He drew us there on a crazy 5 day hike that was very hard and very rewarding. But it did not end like how i expected.
We ending up having to hike ALLLLLLLLL the way back down, in the middle of a crazy storm, nightfall invading and danger in our midst and i just laughed at the insanity!
Today as I've been processing my year and how this year of dreams coming true and abundance is coming to an end. I think that perfectly reflects my ending. I thought the Lord had promised something really different, and when i got their, it wasn't the banqueting table, that I expected.
The top of table mountain was abandoned, cold, miserable, wet, clouds covered the view. Instead of getting to take the cable cars back down, we had to HIKE, in a storm back down the mountain. Towards the end it got dangerous and just insane. But honestly, I still loved every second. I KNEW what God had spoken to me. It didn't make sense at the time, it still doesn't. I don't know why it wasn't gorgeous and beautiful, and this mountain top moment. But i know that God had things for us in the circumstances. He's the God that controls the wind and rain.
So here I find myself, at the end of an amazing year, filled with mountain tops and valleys, I was stretched, physically and spiritually, and at the end of this year I find myself on this mountain top, that looks quiet different than a banqueting table. Looks alot more like a wilderness.
But just like Table Mountain, there is love, their is still the presence of God, and community.
Abundance, Favor, Promises, Dreams, don't always look like what we expected. But Gods goodness is in them all. And I have peace in that.
"i am yours
and you are mine
this is what you had in mind,
the whole time...
intimacy"
