i am with you

My Shadow

Do you have a dog?  I do.  Kind of two.  I live with two.  Often wake up to two snuggled up with me in bed.

But my baby, Princeton Munroe Leppard the Third, he's mine. Some might even sing, the best thing that has ever been mine=)


Today as I worshipped, meditated, and talked with God around the my roomm, the living room, the yard, the patio.  As I talked with God he showed me something.

I have a terrier lapse mix.  He is basically my shadow.  He can be in a deep sleep but if I get up and leave the room, he is following me...even to the bathroom and just sits close by, resting.  NO. MATTER. WHERE. I. AM.

When he goes on drives with me, because he ALWAYS wants to come, he wants to be in my lap.  Chillen, looking out the windows, giving me kisses from time to time.

But, back to this morning.  I was in the patio watching the storm brew as I worshipped and worked.  Then my Good Father, urged me to go worship in the storm.  So I got up to go put my armor on (my iPhone in plastic and a hoodie on).  Princeton immediately got up and followed me inside.

Internally I think he said something like, "Alright momma do this".  His whole LIFE is "where you go I go, where you rest,  I rest, where you are I AM."

Immediately, my Father is like Ruth, learn from Prince.  Prince follows out of a place of love, dedication, not obligation.  When I stop, he stops, no questions asked, and what does he do, HE RESTS!

Yah, he for sure loves to play and gets excited when everyone gets home.  Which i just love.

Alright to finish this jumbled thought.  Princeton follows me like a shadow.  I want to follow my Father like that.  He doesn't wonder if he will be provided for.  He wants in ANTICIPATION for me.  He knows how to rest in my precense, no matter how often I do or don't move.  He learns and anticipates my moves, and if he gets to much ahead of me, he will stop and look back to make sure we are still going together.  He disobeys from time to time,  but i truly believe is immediately resentful.

I want to be a daughter who is so intimate with her Father that WHEREVER he moves, she moves to, and is completely comfortable always resting in his presence.  A daughter who loves to be on the move, going on adventures with her Good Father, sitting on his lap, enjoying the view.

Look around. God is speaking to you, ALL OF THE TIME, through all the craziest (well not so crazy) but maybe random ways.  Scripture says that creation groans for Him.  So ya, God likes to use all of his creation to speak to us.

Ask him today, to show you something in your life that he's speaking to you through.

Jesus, thank you for the gift of my Prince.  For the beautiful love this puppy has given me, the way he teaches me about your love and loves me so unconditionally.  For a warm heart beat to snuggle with.  Thank you for my shadow and side kick and for his contagious friendly personality...

May my heart continually learn to follow after you, where you go I go, just like my name sake.


Your Kids,

Ruth + Prince  

the tension

Life is confusing. It's full of so much joy and love and such depths and pain and suffering which brings confusion and doubt. The hardest thing I have been walking through this last year is fear. Fear can be so inabilitating. 

I was loved so well by a man who taught
Me what it looks like for a humans love to cast out fear and to have love and confidence. There was a sense of safety and freedom!!!! As much as a broken human could. It was human and imperfect. 

I still got hurt by him and I hurt him. Some of those wounds, I still am walking through healing from. But I'm thankful for what I learned in those years and the years since. When you loose a person you love. There is a a gap that can get filled with ALOT of fear, hate, closed off ness, OR you can wrestled with God and let him fill that gap with his LOVE that cast out ALL fear, rejection, striving. Having confidence that all pain in active surrender has purpose and all things are working for the good. 

In the 11 years since my first love died, I have had longggg seasons where fear won over and years of victory where I trusted in the goodness of God, the insane beauty that comes from ashes, that there is SOOOOOO much truth that EVERY suffering in surrendered obedience IS DOING SOMETHING. I've seen God use my stories of redemption allllll over the world to release HIS freedom. He astonishes me when I sit back and reflect. He's so good, my good good Father. 

Even 11 years later at 31, I'm still not married, I don't like to admit this But yah there are moments, I have to fight the temptation that anyone will ever love me unconditionally again. That I'll have a family. And so many other thoughts. 

BUT....BUT... I choose to believe that my God is good. And he's working his goodness in me. And I don't always choose to obey but oh my spirit wants to. He will finish what he has stated and he is working out my fear with such kindness. 

HE IS SHOWING ME A LOVE THAT I HAVE NEVER KNOWN BEFORE. And I have a hunch, that it is only the iceberg. 

So where ever you are at today. I urge you to take some time to reflect on what God is doing. 

He's always doing something & it's always good.